Ultramarine

I'm "returning to myself" this week, returning to my reading. I had SUCH intense two weeks all I did was work and sleep and then this weekend I became sick.. So this week I promised myself less work, more relaxation which naturally means more time to read. 

I have one more review to write before I do my March Recap and to tell you the truth I read maybe half of what I planned on reading.. so I really hope April will be better in this sense. 

Zsadist is my absolute favorite character in the Black Dagger Brotherhood series and it's quite obvious why, he is the ultimate tormented warrior but he is also a lot more than that. He has a tender side that probably Bella is the only one who sees on a regular basis. But we saw him display his tenderness to a few other characters during the the series like with JM and we also saw that though he always behaves as though he is a soulless bastard - that he is surely not! As he was wrongly accused of accepting Havers offer to off Wrath. Even when he refuses to thank his brother for saving his life he is there for him when his addiction is getting worse, he may not say the "proper" words but he knows what to say to his brother. Yes, he mistreated Phury when he asked him over and over again to beat him but I think it's obvious that he was in a very dark place at the time. 

So here we are in Z's novella after Nalla is born and he is struggling with his inner demons when it comes to her. His nightmares return in which Nalla is present to his torture and abuse and Bella is starting to lose hope as she feels he is getting back to how he was before they met. She doesn't know what happens in his nightmares she only guesses they are from his past and since he doesn't talk to her about it, and since he refuses to hold their baby girl she realizes she is unwilling to accept Z being an absent father. On a desperate act she decided to leave, letting him know she loves him and she always will but she is won't accept the situation as it is. 

Bella doesn't leave Z because just as she was packing to go, Z was hurt in a fight against the Lessers and he is brought back to the compound needing her blood. On his sick bed they finally talk and she realizes what's on his mind and why he behaves as he does. From this point on we see the both of them expressing how they feel about the new situation they are in, including how Bella is so invested in being a mother she might want Z to be her man and desire her but since he just want to give her time with the baby he puts aside his needs (making her wrongly think he isn't interested in her). 

This novella was beautiful. Heart breakingly Beautiful. There are a few scenes where your hear break for Z but what is so beautiful is how Bella affect him and how she knows to bring the best in him, how to help him deal with his past. 

A MUST READ for all Z's fans :)